phineasandferbfandomcom-20200223-history
Jerk De Soleil/Transcript
(Scene opens up outside the Flynn-Fletcher house. Baljeet gets out of his car and runs for the front door) Baljeet: We're going to the circus! We're going to the circus! (Cut to the kitchen) I am here and ready to go to the world-famous Cirque de Lune. Phineas: Have a seat. We're goin' in a minute. Baljeet: Ok. We're going to the circus! We're going to circus! Lawrence: Hold your horses, kids. It says here that the lead of Cirque de Lune has a severe allergy. They're canceling today's performance. Isabella: Well, that's a bummer! Linda: If it's anything like Candace's parsnip allergy, I don't blame them for not wanting to appear in public. Phineas: (at Isabella) She gets blotchy. Red, weird voice thingy. (whispering) Not good. Linda: Well, honey, looks like that frees you up to join me at the mall. Our trio is recording our first album today: Live at the Squat 'n' Stitch. Lawrence: Mmm mmm, should be swinging. Linda: Cheer up, guys. I'm sure you'll have a fun day anyway. Bye, kids, be good. Have fun! (Linda and Lawrence leaves the kitchen) Isabella: It must be so cool to be in the circus. Phineas: Yeah. (snaps his fingers) Hey, Ferb, let's put on our own Cirque. This'll be great! Ferb can set up the tent, I'll be the ringmaster. Isabella: We can sew up some arty costumes. Django: Hey, for a trick, I can put my leg over my head. .... Ow. I'll work on it. Phineas: Even Perry can have an act! The Amazing Perry! (trumpets sound) Baljeet: Ooh, I have a mystical, magical art I would like to perform. It's stupefying! Buford: I have another act that'll bring the house down. Phineas: Ferb, get the tools! Isabella: Let's do this! (Cut to Candace's room) Candace: (yawns) Good morning, Jeremy. (fake boy voice) Good morning, gorgeous. (normal voice) Oh, Jer! (giggles; kissing sounds; power tools whirring, thumping) I'll be right back, Jeremy. (she looks out of the window) What's going on? A circus? Can't they give me a break for one day? (Cut to the backyard) Phineas: This looks great, Ferb. (machinery hissing) Phineas: Hey, have you seen Perry? I put on his costume. (Cut to Perry who takes an elevator to his lair) Major Monogram: (clearing his throat) Okay, Agent P. Dr. Doofenshmirtz is buying bio-mechanical equipment and... (chuckles) ...elocution tapes. (laughing) We-we don't know why. Where are you going, Agent P? Wait, wait, wait. Don't go. I'm not laughing at you. I just heard a funny joke earlier this morning. Please-please, Agent P. Turn around so we can conclude our meeting. (camera phone snaps) Carl! Carl! Carl! What's your e-mail? Gonna send this to you. Perry! (Cut to the driveway) Buford: Hey, twerp, I brought the props for my act. Phineas: Buford, what exactly is your act? Buford: I fly into mud with a paper bag on my head. Phineas: Okay, then. Buford: The peeps are gonna love. (Candace walks onscreen) Candace: I'm not even gonna call Mom. No, not gonna call! (Unfortunately, the elephant forces her hand, and she calls Linda) Linda: Candace, honey, listen. I can't talk. We're recording. Is it life or death? Candace: Well, no, but... Linda: I gotta go! Bye! (Candace growls in frustration) Jeremy: Hey-ah, Candace. Candace: Oh! Hi, Jeremy. Jeremy: My mom told me to bring over these homegrown veggies for your family. You know; she and your mom are doing that jazz thing today. Candace: Thanks! Jeremy: So, circus, huh? Cool. Cool. I guess it's more of a'' cirque than a "circus". ''(laughs) (chorus) Aaahhh (romantic voice) Good morning, gorgeous. Candace: Oh. (giggles) Jeremy: Don't you think? Candace: What? Jeremy: Don't you think we should sit together to watch the show? If-if you want to. Candace: Yeah, yeah. (hacking cough, wheezing) Jeremy: Uh, Candace, are you okay? Candace: Say, are there any wild parsnips in here? Jeremy: Uh, I think that's all that's in there. Candace: (choked gasp) Later. (Cut to Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated) Man: I'm dancing with your wife, pal. You got a problem with that? Doofenshmirtz: I'm dance... (clears throat) "I'm dancing with your wife, pal. You got a problem with that?" Oh, yes, that does sound tough. Man: Yeah, I ate your last nectarine. You got a problem with that? Doofenshmirtz: Yes, I ate... (Perry crashes in as usual) Perry the Platypus, look. Could-could you use the front door from now on? Could you just do that for me? I mean, yes, "I ate your last nectarine. You got a problem with that?" Sounds tough, huh? But not tough enough! (He pushes button on a remote and Perry gets trapped in a net) You see; ever since I was a child, I had a high, squeaky voice! But not anymore. Behold: the Voice-inator! It bio-mechanically transforms normal air into Doofelium, which'll make everyone else's voice higher, making my voice deeper by comparison. I was going to lower my own voice, but, you know, it seemed like too much trouble. (Doofenshmirtz's air-craft launches out of the building; debris shatters all about and a crashing sound is heard; in the launch door-ways is a gaping hole where the air-craft flew through) Oh, come on!!!! (Cut to Candace's room) Candace: Of course, it had to be wild parsnips. Allergy pills, allergy pills. Aha! Quick! Before my voice goes through the reaction. (She finds there are no pills left. She now has in a deep, manly voice) NOOOOOOOOOOOO! Girl: Hey, Jeremy. Wanna sit together at the show? Candace: No, no, Mindy can't sit with Jeremy. Gotta stop this, gotta tell Mom! Can't go out looking like this! (The camera pans to a paper bag on the floor.) Mindy: So, how about us sitting together? Candace: (Now wearing the paper bag and a grey jacket, she runs past them) 'Scuse me. Jeremy: Oh, it's good, bro. (at Mindy) Thanks, but I promised Candace. (Candace runs off down the street) (Back at Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated, Perry frees himself and goes after Doofenshmirtz) Doo-dooby-doo-ba Dooby-doo-ba-doo-dooby-doo-ba Doo-dooby-doo-ba Dooby-doo-ba-doo-dooby-doo-ba Agent P! (Cut to the cirque tent) Phineas: We’re moments away from Ferb and The Amazing Perry! (at Ferb) Hey, Ferb. You guys are up next. Where's Perry? (Perry, back in his cirque outfit, walks towards the boys) Oh, there you are. Baljeet: And now, for my final trick, I will reattach my thumb! Feel the rhythm, feel the rhyme, come thumb, it's healing time. (wild cheering) Phineas: Let's hear it for Baljeet the Stupefying! But now, prepared to be astounded when The Amazing Semi-aquatic Perry, aided by Ferb, attempts to jump through that hoop into the Shallow Pond! Audience: Ooh! Phineas: Yeah! Let's hear it for the Amazing Semi-aquatic Perry! (He walks out of the tent in his fedora and continues his pursuit) (Cut to the Squat 'n' Stitch) Candace: Psst. Mom. Linda: Candace, have you been near the wild parsnips again? Candace: Yes, but you gotta see what Phineas and Ferb are doing. Linda: What is it now? (Song: "E.V.I.L. B.O.Y.S.") Candace: Those boys are always up to something And it's bringing me to tears 'Cause just before you get home It always just magically disappears Those boys are evil! But before you get home they somehow always clean up the mess Vivian: Testify, Candace, testify! Candace: Those boys are evil Let me spell it out for you, Mom E-V-I-L B-O-Y-S! They built a roller coaster And a beach in the backyard Drove cattle through the city And messed up the boulevard They took me back in time When we went to that museum They built 50-foot tree house robots But still you didn't see them Those boys are evil Their crazy shenanigans cause me all kinds of distress Those boys are evil Sing it with me! E-V-I-L B-O-Y-S! I know you think they're saints But Mom, I'm here to tell Those B-O-Y-S, they're just E-V-I-L Those boys are evil They're making me feel like my head's in a hydraulic press And that don't feel too good! Those boys are evil Everybody! Women: E-V-I-L B-O-Y-S! Candace: That's what I'm talking about! Women: E-V-I-L B-O-Y-S! Candace: That's right those boys are Evil little boys! (applause, cheering) Candace: Okay, Mom, so you gonna come home with me? Linda: Are you kidding, hon? Let's do another! Candace: (groans) (Meanwhile, PErry catches up with Doofenshmirtz) Doofenshmirtz: Perry the Platypus, but you are too late. .... (Perry attenpts to turn it off) Wait! Wait, don't touch that! .... Stop it! Stop it! (Perry tickles Doofenshmirtz) Stop it, I told you! Stop it! I said, keep your hands off of that. (Cut to the cirque tent) Buford: Hey, I got my costume all set. Be sure to introduce me as The Amazing Baggo. Phineas: You know, we've been thinking about your act and have some suggestions. Modify your torque and reverse the angle of trajectory. Buford: I still get to land in the mud, right? Phineas: Oh, yeah, yeah. Buford: I want the mud. (audience cheering) Phineas: Thank you, Django, the Human Pretzel! Django: (moaning) Phineas: That's gotta hurt. And now, our next act will catapult through the heavens, and land in a pit filled with the mysterious Aztec mud of doom! Audience: Ooh! hoo! (Candace runs in the tent) Candace: Jeremy! Jeremy! Jeremy! (gasps) He saved me a seat. Phineas: I give you The Amazing Baggo! Buford: Taa-daa! Hey! Candace: Guys, cut it out. Let go! Buford: That dude's stealing my act! (Too late, Candace gets flung out of the tent) Ferb: (whistles) Phineas: Hmm. He must have been lighter than we calculated. Buford: No, no! This is Buford's moment to shine! (jumps into the pit of mud) Hey, everybody, over here! (all cheer) Phineas: Wait. How'd he get down there? Ferb: Perhaps Buford truly is amazing. (Perry kicks Doofenshmirtz, making him crash into the on/off switch) Doofenshmirtz: Oh, great, now this thing's broken. (The tube of Doofelium lowers into the hole Candace made) Phineas: And now, ladies and gentlemen, (voice-pitch rising) I give you our entire cast in our grand finale, featuring The Amazing Perry! (They then give off an amazing finale complete with Perry landing on the moon prop; the tent blows up and skyrockets into Doofenshmirtz) Doofenshmirtz: (Voice rising) Curse you, Perry the Platypus! the crash causes an explosion) (Cut to the backyard) Kids: Thanks, Phineas. You're the coolest. Boy: That was the best circus I've ever been to. (Ferb pulls a lever and removes the bleachers) Linda: Hi, guys. Phineas: Mom, Dad, you missed our cirque. Linda: Well, it sure looks like you had fun. (Perry chatters) Who wants to hear my CD? Phineas: Ooh, I do. Lawrence: All right, come on! Phineas: Cool. (They go in the house; Candace crawls onscreen) Candace: (moans, back to normal voice) Oh, well, at least I'm back to normal. Jeremy: Hey, Candace. My mom played me some of their CD. Your singing is awesome! How'd you get your voice to sound like that? Candace: Oh, same as all the great blues singers: wild parsnips. Category:Transcripts Category:J